What does being selfish mean to the Happy Seeker? Is it a negative meant to describe someone who only cares about themselves instead of others? No, of course not. To the Happy Seeker, being selfish means something entirely different. Being selfish means to put yourself first and foremost, in life, in happiness, in your dreams, and for one specific purpose: Because by being selfish, you are actually being selfless. Here, let me explain.
Typically, people believe it is best for you, your image, and you soul to put all others before yourself. While, it can be true that sometimes you need to put yourself aside in order to fully focus on another, to do that on a regular basis does nothing but cause harm to the people you are trying to help and to your body.
The person who always puts others before themselves has no sense of self. Most of the time, people who put the happiness and well-being of everyone around them on the list higher than their own don't believe that they deserve those things. They self-sacrifice and ignore their own body in the hopes that someone will self-sacrifice for them and give them the care they are depriving themselves of. They give and give and give until their is nothing left to give anymore, and then they have nothing left for themselves to grow from.
The Happy Seeker does things a little differently, and for very good reason. To a Happy Seeker, others are infinitely important, but so is the self, for it is from the self that you are able to care for others. If you give all your food away to the homeless, there will be no sustenance left for you, and when you physically starve, who will be left to help those people? How can you help when you have depleted yourself to the point there is nothing left to give?
Obviously, it is a failed system, and this is where selfishness, in the healthy way, comes in to play By owning the fact that you deserve happiness, same as everyone else, and allowing yourself to take from those energies and treat your soul, you have something to grow upon to give to others. It is in this way that being selfish is truly selfless, because when you are cared for to your optimum capacity, you have infinite resources to pull from. Imagine the loving and whole person who is able to share themselves with the world because they share with themselves, and then compare that to the person who would love to care for the world, but just can't find it in themselves because it's run out.
Ideally, your whole, happy self, would be one that is never physically drained and can give to others endlessly, because as soon as your energy runs low or begins to drain, you would automatically focus on replenishing your own spirit. The healthy selfish person would speak up for themselves instead of cowering in the corner because they know they deserve better. The healthy selfish person would know how to say, "No." in an effective manner, instead of being forced into things they don't want just to please someone else at their own expense. They are not affected by the moods or whims of all others around them, because they are firmly planted and grounded on their own two feet (See: Choose Your Mood, Choose Your Life). They can put their best foot forward in any situation because that foot is cared for and loved, and feels it can do anything.
But how can all this be selfless?
Imagine the woman with her children who takes them everywhere they want, whenever they want. She drops everything for them and gives them everything. Her whole life revolves around them, but, at the end of the day, she is emotionally broken down and tired, cannot devote herself to any of her own interests, and has no more sense of self-identity left in her. Is she being selfless? By neglecting herself, what is she truly giving her kids? A car to ride in when they need to go to practice, or someone to bring them their class project on time? Or is she giving them a woman with nothing left behind her face? Is she giving her children her full self, or what fragment she can manage to muster? What kind of message is she teaching them? Instead of showing them how to be whole human beings, she's showing them how to lose themselves and put everyone else before them. She's teaching them it is not important to care for themselves or their own life. Is that selfless?
It's entirely unhealthy and reckless, that's what it is.
So, how can we bring a bit of healthy selfishness into our lives?
You can start by taking time out of your day everyday to do something that benefits no one else in the world except for you. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it's something you enjoy that no one else can take from, whether you want them to or not. It doesn't have to be long, five minutes a day is just fine. If you cannot find five minutes in your day to devote to yourself, then you are going to have to be strict and boot something off. Maybe you enjoy reading some comics in the afternoon, but always thought it was a waste of time because you should be working. Maybe you enjoy a half-hour of reading before bed, but watch TV instead because you would feel guilty for taking away from family time in front of the tube. Maybe you have a love for poetry and can write a 5-line poem for a few minutes out of your day. Indulge in a bath for as long as you like, with candles, bubbles, and the whole nine, and you might be surprised when you find yourself with the happiness and energy to make your family a big breakfast in the morning when you'd normally plop cereal in front of them. The point is that it has to be fully and selfishly for you, and by giving yourself to you, giving to others comes naturally.
That's what being selfish is really about to the Happy Seeker, and that's how selfishness is selflessness.
So, be selfish, be whole, treat yourself, and, as always,
Happy Seeking,
Jekka
